Arthritis Awareness: Music Therapy, an introduction

May was Arthritis Awareness Month. Since being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis (RA) in 2000, arthritis awareness has become pretty important to me. The sad reality is that there are still a lot of misconceptions about arthritis today, as well as a lack of caring from the general public. In some ways I get it. There are those who don't like thinking about disease or disability at all. Then there's the people who assume that because it's chronic it must not be all that bad. That is, of course, horribly untrue. The truth is that rheumatoid arthritis, or complications of it, can and do lead to death. RA is an autoimmune disease in which the immune system basically goes on a crazy power trip and starts attacking itself. RA is believed to decrease someone's lifespan by 10 or even 15 years. Even with medication. Speaking of medication, oftentime it seems like the side effects are just as bad or worse than the disease itself. It's easy for people who don't have RA to question why we would take these kind of medicines and I can assure you that this is not a decision that is made lightly. The pain is more than an average person could possibly imagine, save perhaps for people with other debilitating diseases. The fatigue is no joke either.

The worst part of RA, however, may just be the unpredictability. You never know how you're going to feel the next day. This illness can turn on a dime. You can wake up feeling great one day and struggle to get out of bed the next. You can be feeling fine one hour and terrible the next. Sometimes it works the other way. You wake up with your joints all stiff and swollen, but they can loosen up as the day goes on. Of course, the pain has a funny way of bouncing back right when you're ready to go to sleep. Painsomnia is a very real thing. A very real and downright lousy thing. To be so exhausted you can't even speak and in too much pain to sleep. Not that sleep is all that restful when it happens. You don't wake up feeling refreshed. Just somewhat less tired - if you got lucky. Sometimes just as tired. And then there's times when you wake up and somehow feel more tired. Don't ask me how that works; it just happens. Living with RA is a lot like being stuck on a roller coaster. For the rest of your life. This takes a toll on a person. Not just physically, but in every way possible. Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually. Especially when you add in the fact that RA rarely comes alone. You tend to pick up various other diseases and conditions as you go. RA is not for the weak, that's for certain. 

I was 17 when I was diagnosed. It was near the beginning of my senior year of high school. Of all the things I imagined might happen during my last year of high school, being diagnosed with RA was not one of them. I struggled with it at first until I accepted it. Or until I thought I had. You see, acceptance, as I came to learn, is an ongoing process. At least with something like this. Denial has a funny way of sneaking back on you even if it's been years. Sometimes fear takes over. Sometimes depression. You lose the person you used to be and don't know who you are anymore. Or if the person you've become deserves to feel any better. RA can eat away at your self-worth until it turns into self-loathing. This can be hard to battle against. Other times it's arrogance that gets you. You get so angry about still dealing with it that it knocks you back to square one. RA has a way of kicking you in the teeth when you least expect it. 

It's not all bad. You turn into a fighter, a warrior of sorts, doing everything you can to beat back the disease trying to ruin your life. You get knocked down and don't think you can live with the pain one more day. Until you do. It makes you appreciate all the little victories. Anytime you can do something you couldn't do the day before, that's something to celebrate. Having a chronic illness lets you know who your true friends are, who really loves you. Sometimes the people you thought would always be there leave. Sometimes the most unexpected person becomes one of your biggest cheerleaders. Having RA has introduced me to so many wonderful people I never would have met otherwise. So, no, it's not all bad. 

Now. If May was Arthritis Awareness Month than why am I writing about it in June? Well, for one thing, I spent at least half of May knowing I wanted to write something for Arthritis Awareness Month and not knowing what. A few years ago I did a short series aimed more towards educating people. You can find that by clicking on the arthritis awareness tag at the end of this post. I decided I wanted to do something different this time, but what? I finally figured it all when struggling through both a bad flare up (a flare is anytime the pain and/or fatigue is worse than normal) and the terrible nausea caused by my main RA medication, the dreaded methotrexate. Incidentally, that would be the other reason I'm writing this in June. It got me thinking though. How do we cope with living in pain? With the ever present fatigue? With this insane roller coaster that is life with a chronic illness? Especially when there's no one else around. What do we do when we're alone? When it's the middle of the night and everyone else is asleep, but you're awake and hurting? Where do we turn when we don't think we can possibly go on? How do we get our minds off it all? 

Granted, everyone is different and so different things will work for different people. Sometimes different things work at different times. Speaking for myself, doing something creative is usually a safe bet. Be it making something completely new or coloring a picture, it's a wonderful distraction. Plus finishing a project always feels good. Reading is good too. Especially when you're really invested in the story. Binge watching your favorite TV shows can help. As can watching a favorite movie. 

Then there's what I'll refer to as the big guns: the two things that help me more than anything else can. First and foremost, my faith. As a Christian, this means turning to Jesus. I don't watch to preach at anyone, but I truly believe in the power of prayer. Doesn't have to be fancy. Just talking to God helps. Sometimes yelling at Him helps - He's God, He can take it. The anger, the doubt, the fear - it's amazing how much prayer can help. It may not cure the RA, but it puts things into perspective. It relieves the burden. It restores my hope. It helps me breathe again. It reminds me that I can do this. Not through my own strength, but His. 

Then there's music. Not as powerful as prayer, but a very strong second. Music has been proven to reduce pain and depression. Music therapy is used to help people cope with all kinds of conditions and fears. The right song can either help unlock your emotions or change your entire day. Music can even change your life. It can even save your life. Not a day goes by that I don't listen to some music. It's such a huge part of my life and has been for as long as I can remember. So it seemed only right to start a series where I talk about some of my go-to songs when I'm having a tough time. 

Now, there's no way I'll ever be able to list them all. The songs that get featured represent a very small portion of the songs that help. You know how earlier I said that different things help at different times? Well, that's true for music as well. A lot of it depends on my mood. On what I need at that moment. Sometimes it's sad songs. Sometimes it's dark songs. A word of caution: I think listening to these kinds of songs can be great because there's times when you need to cry. Times you need the release. That said, I think it's important to balance it out. Obviously, if something helps you, go with it. But remember to lighten things up sometimes too. After all, there might be times when you need to cry it out. There's also times when you need to dance it out. Sometimes I need to belt it out. Again: different songs work at different times. 

I was originally going to have the first batch of songs/videos included in this post, but well, I had more to say than I realized. So it is just as the title calls it. An introduction to this series. The first two installments will be posted this week. I'm using this as a platform to help bring some attention to arthritis, even if only in a small way. It was my fellow RA warriors that gave me the extra boost I needed to finally start this. But as I said a couple of paragraphs ago, music can help with all kinds of different things. If you have RA, keep reading the series as it goes on. If it's something else you're struggling with, keep up with it. If nothing else, this series might introduce you to songs you've never heard. At best, it might help you with your struggles. So stay tuned. The first installment will hopefully be up within the next day or two.